by, for, and about women in science, technology, engineering, & math

My original discussion was about differences with men in the workplace.

Early in my career I spent my vacation deciding whether or not to quit my sexist workplace. As I walked to my computer to write my letter of resignation, I found a copy of the book “Games Your Mother Never Taught You” on my chair. A senior (female) manager had left it for me. I figured, ’I’m quitting anyway’, and spent the day reading the book. It changed my perspective entirely on what work represents to men, and how I could work within that structure. I worked for another 20 years.

What I got out of it was that generally, men perceived work as, basically, a game of one-upmanship (“Whoever has the most toys when he dies, wins’ Substitute friends, money, children, admiration, sexual conquest, etc and you’ll get the picture.). However, at the same time, it is a game, and there’s a varying amount of attachment to the outcome. Mostly it’s fun, relaxed and neutral. At the same time, team is everything. There’s a sort of camaraderie that makes joshing about personal things ok. (I’m reminded of the time a male team member walked into a meeting, took one look at another’s tie and said ’Is that really the tie or did you throw up on it this morning?”) Yeah rude, but it’s called “team building”. I actually began to watch football for pleasure (got hooked on the 49ers) after I saw that each team member has a role and range of action, and became especially enchanted by how they seemed to be able to think and communicate on their feet. The joshing and testing in the office is the means used to discover the strengths and weaknesses of the members of the team. I’ve always found it primitive and not that well thought out. More on that topic later.

When I was a manger, I always gave a copy of the book to all my female employees. I think it’s still in print, or perhaps you can find it used.